


The Problem With Kybe

by awkward_taco056



Category: South Park
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/M, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rivalry, Temporarily Unrequited Love, i started writing this like two years ago, i'm also uploading this rather than doing my homework
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 10:31:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14018319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkward_taco056/pseuds/awkward_taco056
Summary: So Kyle and Bebe are finally a thing. The whole 8th grade is celebrating the discovery of their new power couple! Well, everyone except Eric Cartman. He senses trouble in paradise, and won't cool his jets until Kybe is history. Will he convince the two to break up, or is he doomed to watch the PDA for good? ((Based on my own life experiences. Kybe/Kyman))





	1. Kenny's POV

**Author's Note:**

> If you guys like this fic, I might consider picking it back up

It all started about… hmm, a second or two ago. I was walking down the South Park Middle School hallway, minding my business, when all of a sudden, I heard a locker door slam. Not _close_ , but slam shut rather forcefully.

“WHAT?!” Ah yes, the unmistakable shriek of an angry fatass. How _refreshing_ to hear at eight in the morning.

“Y-yeah, Bebe asked Kyle out a little while ago.” I heard Butters say. Oh, God. No wonder Cartman had his panties in a twist. I swear for _God_ we just didn’t get a break…

“Alright, alright, what’s going on?” I walked up and asked.

“T-T-The _JEW_ is dating Bebe!!” Cartman was so pissed off he could barely get the words out.

I stared back at him. “…so…?” I personally couldn’t see what the big deal was.

“HE CAN’T DATE _HER_!” he yelped as if it were 100 percent obvious.

“Well, why not, Eric?” Butters inquired.

Cartman gawked at us as if we were mentally inept. “B-because he _can’t!_ ”

“You literally hate Kyle with every bone in your overweight body.”

He stopped mid hissy-fit and glared at me. “W-well, I-“

“Y-yeah, Eric, I think it’s real sweet that Kyle has a girlfriend.”

“UGH” He banged his fists on the locker in frustration. “Yew don’t understand! None of yew guys understand!” He scooped up his backpack and books and stomped off, infuriated.

Butters scampered off behind him. “Aw, Eric, you left dents in your locker!”

At first, I didn’t get it. I didn’t get it at all. Then it hit me like an 18-wheeler (and trust me, I’d know how that feels). Fatass was so pissed off because he was jealous. There was one of two possibilities; he either wanted Bebe, or he wanted _Kyle_. And thinking back to all his antics dating back to 3rd and 4th grade, I had a pretty good idea on who it was.

While no one could see through my hoodie, I was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Looks like things were about to get interesting here in our little school…


	2. Stan's POV

It’s sooooo sweet that my best friend is dating you best friend!”Wendy cooed, a huge smile on her face. I smiled back at her. It was pretty cool that Kyle finally had someone to call ‘his’. Yet… something was really weird about this. I had only found out about their relationship after Wendy had told me. I’d hung out with Kyle multiple times that week, but he never mentioned anything about dating. I didn’t want to worry Wendy with it, though, so I smiled and nodded at her periodically. Just… I dunno. Something about this was off.

“It’s pretty cool that Bebe asked Kyle out” I offered.

“I think it’s awesome that she broke that stereotype.” Wendy beamed, then went back to going on and on about how great it was.

I sighed. I was happy that, like, she was so happy, but something about Bebe was always a little…off. Like, I don’t wanna down my best friend on finally getting a girlfriend, but…. I don’t know. There’s something more to this story, dude.


	3. Kyle's POV

I think Cartman’s pissed at me, but I have no idea why. I’ve barely talked to him in the past week or so. What the hell did I do? And it wasn’t like his typical “I’m mad at you for being a Jew” mad. He just ignores me all together and gives me the silent treatment. I thought it was nothing, but when I walked past him with Bebe, he glared at me. If looks could kill, I would’ve been fucked. It wasn’t like any nasty look he’d ever given me. It was… I don’t even know. I’m pretty sure I heard Cartman growl when Bebe kissed me on the cheek goodbye. I thought I heard a snarl and Butters say “It’s okay, Eric, calm down.”I wish I knew what the hell was going on…


	4. Cartman's POV

WHAT. THE. _FUCK_. You know, you’d THINK that a Jew as smart as Kahl would know good and well not to date a… a…. a WHORE! I don’t trust Bebe ONE BIT. I swear on my 13 years of life, I will find out what this bitch’s up to and TAKE HER DOWN! The _JEW_ SHALL BE MINE-- erm, NOT BE HERS! And you know what? Kinny can accuse me of being jealous all he wants. He can kiss my ass if he thinks I care. I’m not jealous! I just don’t think she’s good for him. And also, I don’t wanna see those two making out in the middle of the fucking hallway! There is NO NEED for an 8th grader to be showing THAT much PDA. I don’t care how hot all the other guys think she is JUST because she’s farther along in puberty and her tits and ass are bigger than her brain. I know a bitch when I see a bitch, and that blonde skank is queen bitch! I won’t stop til I get that whore away from Kahl!


	5. Chapter 5

_Here we go…_ Cartman thought bitterly as he saw the 8th grade’s new power couple. Kyle and Bebe. _Kybe._ UGH. The ship name was enough to make Cartman gag. And did they HAVE to hold hands like that? We get it, you’re a cute couple. _C H I L L_ . He slumped against the lockers, looking away. He handed the breakfast he’d bought from the school to Kenny.

“Here. I just lost my appetite and I know you’re poor.”

Kenny ignored his last comment and happily accepted the French Toast sticks.

“No way they’ll last” Cartman muttered to Butters and Kenny, who were seated on the floor against the lockers with him.

“How can you be so sure?” Kenny said with a smirk.

“We’re 13,” Eric pointed out. “Barely even a teen.”

Kenny wasn’t in the mood for beating around the bush. “Are you sure you’re not just jealous?”

Cartman scowled at both of the blondes, unamused. “Nice to know you support this shit.”

Kenny shrugged. “It’s not that I don’t believe you’re right. I just think you have more animosity towards this than you’re willing to admit.”

“Screw you!”

“My point exactly.” Kenny went back to eating his French toast sticks.

Cartman blew out a frustrated breath and smoothed out his jacket. He took another deep breath, then exhaled slowly. Maybe Kenny was right. Maybe he was overthinking everything. Maybe it wasn’t that seriou-

That’s when he saw. He saw. Kyle and Bebe sitting together. Kyle was leaning his head on Bebe’s shoulder, and (ONCE AGAIN) they were holding hands. Cartman could feel his blood boiling.

“Oh… Hell no!” he fumed, his face going red. “MOTHERFUCKER!!!” He jumped up to his feet, startling the others around him.

“Screw YEW guys, I’m goin’ HOME!” he whirled around and began to tramp away

Kenny raised his eyebrow. “Don’t you mean homeroom?”

“WHAT-FUCKING-EVER!!” he turned the corner and was out of sight, but the other four could hear the rather loud “FUCKING SHIT” Eric yelled out.

They all looked at each other awkwardly.

“Oh, jeez, Eric sure does look mad.”

“What’s _his_ problem?” Bebe asked, sitting up.

Kenny shrugged.

“Did I do something?” Kyle asked no one in particular. “He’s been really weird around me for the past, like, week, but I can’t think of anything that I could’ve done…” Kyle pulled at a stray red curl.

Bebe hugged him. “Oh, sweetie, I’m sure Cartman will get over whatever’s lodged up his big fat ass”

Kyle grinned goofily. “Y-yeah… he’ll be fine…”

Kenny stood up to throw away his trash, and beckoned Butters to follow. As they walked towards the trash can (which was out of earshot of Kyle and Bebe), Kenny said “Cartman’s SO jealous”

“H-he is?”

“Yup. I think he’s just mad cuz he’s single” Kenny watched _Steven Universe_ with his little sister Karen all the time, and had ended up falling in love with it.  
“But, I thought he hated Kyle…”

“Kenny looked over at Butters. It was rather amazing how innocent and naïve this boy was. “He doesn’t really hate Kyle. He hates a part of himself for liking Kyle in the first place. It’s so obvious that Cartman has feelings for him. He’s just in so much denial that he’s convinced himself that it’s hate and takes it out on Kyle. Why do you think he picks on him the most out of all of us?”

Butters thought for a moment. “D-does Eric wanna put Kyle’s wiener in his mouth like what he did to me?”

Kenny stopped walking, taken aback at Butters’s straightforwardness.

“He probably does, dude.” He said, smiling knowingly. “He prolly wants his weiner in more places than just his mouth…”

********************************************************************************************************************************************************

sooooooo…" Stan said, catching up with Kyle after class. "How's it goinnnnng?"

"Come on, dude," Kyle pushed him away playfully. "It's been, like, a week. Calm down."

"I'm just sooo proud of my little buhbooksha!" Stan mischievously tugged on Kyle's ushanka

"Come ON, dude, you sound like my mom!"

"I'm playing, dude. I'm just glad you have a girlfriend now."

"Yeah, so am I…" the red-head blushed a little.

Stan paused, chewing his lip. "Um, just remember, uh, whatever happens, you still kick ass"

"Huh?"

Stan avoided eye contact.. "J-just if (God forbid), anything happens, it most likely wasn't your fault."

"Stan, what are you-"

Just then, the school bell rang. Stan took that as his perfect opportunity to dip-set.

"Gotta go, dude! Just remember what I said!" he called out, then hurried into his classroom.

Kyle stood there for a moment, dazed. What the Hell was Stan talking about? He shook his head. It was probably something everything said to couples. No biggie. He dismissed the thought and headed into his classroom.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I really left it there??? LMAOOOOO SORRY Y'ALL

After school that day, Cartman was sitting at the TV watching a rerun of Terrance and Phillip to cheer himself up, yet not even the two's potty humor could lift Cartman's spirits. A few minutes in, he heard a knock at the door. His mom wasn't home, so he muted the TV and reluctantly trudged towards the door.

"Who is it?" He called out.

"It's Stan"

"Mmmph Kmmmphmmmph"

He opened up the door. Cartman took one look at his two friend, rolled his eyes, then said "Lemme guess, the Jew is out parading with Bebe."

Both boys nodded.

"Well don't just stand there like idiots. Get in here."

Stan and Kenny exchanged a look. No need to beat around the bush.

"I know you're jealous." Stan said before he'd barely set foot in the house.

Cartman froze. "Oh great, Kinny, spread your damn lies. See if I care." He trudged back over to the couch and sat heavily, unmuting the television.

"It's so obvious, dude." Kenny said matter-of-factly from behind the couch.. "Even Kyle's getting suspicious."

Cartman whipped around. "WHAT?"

"Dude, even your shock at that makes it more obvious that there's more than what you're letting on"

Cartman crossed his arms. "I have no idea what yew speak of."

"You can stop pretending, fatass. We all know you like Kyle."

Cartman tried to keep a straight face, but was given away by his blushing. "Sounds like a lot of bullshit to me"

"You're blushing."

"N-no I'm not."

"Yeah you are. You're actually blushing harder."

Cartman yanked his shirt over his cheeks to hide his painfully obvious flushed face. "Well, even if I did like Kahl, which I DON'T… what difference does it make?!"

"Dude, you know he's bi, right?" Stan pointed out.

Cartman stared at Stan. "Stan so help me God if you're bullshitting me I will kick your goddamn hippie ass."

"I'm not. He's bi. He likes guys and girls. Wendy knows, too."

"Hehehehe, Kahl's a faggot…"

"You're a bundle of sticks, too, Cartman" Kenny pointed out.

Cartman shut up real fast, sinking into the couch. "S-shut up"

"And, when it comes to your weirdness when it comes to Bebe…" Stan took a deep breath. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm on your side."

Cartman jumped up from the couch. "You are?!"

"Yeah. He didn't even tell me he was dating, and I'm like, his best friend."

Kenny nodded. "That is a little odd…he tells us everything."

Eric paced the floor. "So… what's the plan?"

"What plan?"

"How are we gonna fix this?"

"WE don't do anything." Kenny declared. "It's too early to call anything."

Cartman rolled his eyes and groaned. "Are you serious?"

"Serious as a heart attack." Stan said, turning towards the door. "So whatever you do, don't interfere."

"Fine, fine, whatever," Cartman dismissed, holding up a hand to show his behind his back, his fingers were crossed…


End file.
